"This is Why Bitches Get Shot"

I was waiting patiently for a time where I could incorporate that phrase into the blog.  Yesterday I got my wish.

Let me first say that I am not trying to take any sort of credit for it and used quotes accordingly. I did not invent it nor do I use it in daily life (yet).  However, it is a much more direct way of saying "This Is Why People Don't Like You" so I probably should have been more calculated in stealing it for my own use. Oh well.

The One on the West Coast  and The One Formerly of the West Coast actually heard it from a homeless woman when they inadvertently blocked the escalator in Penn Station.  I'm sure she was having a rough day but that was a little dramatic.  It was funny to hear and, thankfully, neither one of them was actually harmed by way of a bullet.  But that woman clearly had legitimate psychological issues.  Or she was just pregnant. 

Here's why I say that - I was attacked yesterday by a pregnant woman.  Not physically, but  if she were in my presence at the time, I would probably resemble Mary Jo Buttafuoco today.  I have known TD  for several years and fully understand, while pregnant, she may cry or be mad or whatever it is that pregnant women feel and do. But this was just not expected.

Look at that smile.  Don't trust it.

With another child at home and one on the way, she's not very available for dinners or most other plans.  I definitely try but schedules are just not meshing at all. Only five minutes after sending me a cute text about a potential blog topic, I received an email containing the following, hormone induced comments-

So....I’m about to quit reading your blog and unlike your facebook page.  It’s like I don’t exist in your life.  I never see anything funny with you – or if I did, it’s in the past and not blog-worthy.  I don’t have a nickname......I don’t care if I haven’t been able to make it to your kid-less parties…that could have been “my thing”…  I might as well be a stranger reading about your life.

Oh yeah – Merry Christmas

 

WTF? Good try but I am not insulted by saying my parties are "kid-less". I am happy to host children although I can't guarantee they will not be injured by something accidentally or run out of my unfenced yard into the street. People typically like to come here because they can leave the little ones with sitters.  My house is like a temporary Disneyworld (only more fun) or maybe the Cheers for wayward parents ("taking a break from all your worries....") 

We weren't getting anywhere after a few written exchanges (including my letting her know the only explanation is that she's pregnant with "Satan's Child"), and I was mentally drained.   I then sarcastically informed her that, based on that extreme episode, she'd surely make the blog today.  Her exact response? 

YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I just had to be crazy?  That’s all?

 

I had no further comments.  She had lost her mind. 

She then quickly switched gears and began discussing her dropping off my Christmas gift this morning.  It's a baked item and, while sounding delicious, may go directly in the garbage.  No doubt it's laced with laxatives or some type of mild poison. I don't think she wants to kill me but you can't take your chances. I'm not quite sure what type of fun I'll be dealing with when she arrives.

I will gladly show up at the hospital the day she gives birth to toast the new addition - and to welcome her back to the world of mental stability.  If you think you may have spotted her anywhere before mid-February, particularly in a dark alley or parking lot after hours, I wish you the best.  Godspeed.

Welcome to the blog, TD.  You are (temporarily) crazy but I still love you.  And please leave that gift on my doorstep.  I'll, um, grab it later.