[Buhf-its]?

I probably should have started this a long time ago.  I get excited every time people comment on my Facebook status and don't really know why exactly.   Maybe it's my endless need to share nonsensical thoughts with those around me, but here I am.  With the New Year right around the corner (coupled with my inability to actually commit to any of my other bucket list items), I had to come up with something.  Note - the guitar I bought last year is still in the guest room closet. Every time I go in there to grab a cocktail dress or luggage, it coincidentally strums better chords than I could with my own ten fingers.  Blogging it is...

I sat in amazement, with The Blonde, at a buffet brunch today. Having spent the last few decades on a planet occupied by a LOT of weirdos,  I'm not quite sure why any of this was surprising to me.  After two large Bellinis each, we laughed for at least an hour about the experience.

People truly are disgusting.  And buffets bring out the best in them.  Take the average American, give them a twenty dollar bill and a pair of reasonably stretchy pants, then just observe. There are no rules.  Grown women will push a toddler onto the ground if it will secure a more appealing spot in the line. If there's crab legs? They'll push a disabled toddler.  Food allergies and general dislike of  items will be completely disregarded because, hey, it's part of the price and clearly worth the risk.

While cracking a few inconsiderate jokes targeted at other patrons, I felt the need to look up the word "buffet" on my phone.  I could have provided a quick explanation of what it meant in my world, but thought it would be much more entertaining to examine the actual origin.

Who knew?  Two definitions surfaced, and the first was one I have never seen before.  (And no, I did not look it up on Wikipedia.  We all know most things on there, while interesting, are grossly misrepresented)   Here's what I saw -

buf·fet  /ˈbʌfɪt/ Show Spelled [buhf-it]  noun, verb, -fet·ed, -fet·ing.

–noun

1.a blow, as with the hand or fist.

2.a violent shock or concussion.

–verb (used with object)

3.to strike, as with the hand or fist.

4.to strike against or push repeatedly: The wind buffeted the house.

5.to contend against; battle.

Pardon my ignorance but I've never seen it used in this way before.  And while the pronunciation is completely different, I feel this is a much more accurate description than something like "seriously aggressive people, often lacking any sort of self-awareness, on a long line for substandard food".    Where has it been all my life???  It's not a buffet, it's a [buhf-it] for sure.  Violent shocks, pushing repeatedly?  As far as I'm concerned, that's exactly what I witnessed today.  I was surely "violently shocked" after seeing the folks next to me use their windowsill to stack more cake slices than their reasonably sized table could hold.

Let me be clear - I will definitely go back to [buhf-it]s, including this one.  However, I will be sure to bring a regular camera and not rely simply on my Droid.  (Settle down, iPhone users.  I know you don't even need to own cameras because your phones are far superior). I missed a solid shot of a man carrying several plates, wearing a holiday sweater with a string down the crack of his rear that could have been confused with a tail.

Looking forward to the next 20 days before Christmas.  I'm sure eating out will only get worse.  Stay tuned...