These Boots are Made for Stalking

I should have steered clear of celebrity nonsense after my very first star sighting.  I met Championship Boxer Joe Frazier about 25 years ago on a vacation at the Jersey Shore.  If someone is important enough to autograph my restaurant menu, they should really promote literacy by being able to spelling "boxer" correctly. It is probably embarrassing when an impatient 6 year old has no issue correcting you.

He totally got a pass on my name, but there is no "C" or "Z" in the spelling of his occupation.

Two and a half decades later, I'd consider myself a lukewarm follower of most things celebrity.  I watch Access Hollywood and read the occasional trash magazine.  I've been excited by having my picture taken with them and have even joined several Facebook pages honoring the rich and famous.  But what separates me from the (crazy) masses is my disinterest in stalking them or writing notes on their pages hoping they will respond and have Christmas dinner with my family. 

Today, however,  I thought it might be fun to briefly enter the world of obsessed fans.  I logged onto Facebook and pulled up one of my "liked" fan pages -

Reality TV Star status update - (453,888 page followers)

Praying for snow so I can wear my new snowboots! 

Over 400 comments and 602 "likes".  What are we liking, people?  Her boots?  Not possible since I wasted an unsuccessful 10 minutes searching for a picture of them. Maybe her status update?  It would get just as much approval if she said  "I am about to take a giant shit on your face".   Nobody seemed to realize their idol was NOT responding, even after hundreds of people begged her to do so.  "Show us your boots, we're dying to see them!"  (sigh) 

So I jumped in and posted lucky number 434 -   

Me - I find it absolutely fascinating that a comment about celebrity snow boots has 433 people interested enough to talk about it. (This will likely be followed by hate mail and my removal from  the (celebrity name) fan page but it's just mind blowing).2 minutes ago 1 

And yes, I "liked" my own comment.  Someone had to!

Immediately followed by -

K. Sanchez - NoooooNoooo! Lol 3 minutes ago ·1 

I also "liked" her comment because she was the only one who seemed to appreciate mine.

The best part?  I basically told these people they were crazy and it went unnoticed.  They just continued to talk about the weather and her boots.....

K. L. King - Come to Lees Summit Missouri, we have plenty of snow and I would love to see your new snowboots!  

(Sure you would...then you'll murder her and put them in a glass case in your living room along with her mittens and scarf.)

The nonsense went on and on.  So, purely for my own amusement, I decided to take it to a new level -

Me - If we're still talking about snow and/or snow boots, I love mine. Check them out!  

(And I posted a link to a photo of my own boots.)

Over an hour and not one person "liked" my boots. Whatever, I know they're adorable.

 
I got bored and switched to another page where a pregnant celebrity posted that she was in Hawaii.  And, to my utter amazement, she provided her actual location.  Not someone big enough for a giant entourage of security, plus she was on a romantic vacation with her husband.

The thread had a whopping 500+ responses.  If I were her, I'd do my best to place the one person who said "OMG, I'm actually heading to that exact place this week!" on some sort of terrorist no-fly list.   Selena's Fan Club President shot her outside her own apartment building - a secluded beach is probably way more risky.

This very apartment, actually. Not that she was asking for it but I'd avoid spending time there if I was unarmed.

If you are one of these people, it might be a good idea to dial it back just a little.   I walked in their shoes for at least 2 hours and it's not fun.  In fact, it's sort of creepy.  Losing sleep waiting for responses to postings like "I just NEED to know if this show is real" is ridiculous.  Let me help you out...it's not.  Time for a new hobby.