Courage...Confidence...Character?

Enough with the bullshit, Girl Scouts of America.  Do I really need your inspirational words on my cookie boxes?  Just say what you really mean....cash...cash....cash.  Or maybe just cardio, calories and cellulite in my case.

The cookie selling badge.  That image should be replaced with a giant dollar sign.  Or a pig on a treadmill.

I never felt confident or courageous in my horrible scout outfit, especially since it was the 80's and my mom cut my hair super short.  (It's shocking how much a 6 year old can look like David Bowie given the right amount of hairspray.)

Boy, things have changed in the world of developing America's youth.  Being a girl scout back in my day was like training for an Ironman Competition.  We didn't just sit in front of the grocery store selling cookies to people who just bought other cookies five minutes prior. I remember hustling around the neighborhood for weeks selling to neighbors.  My family didn't buy 400 boxes while I sat at home on my ass.  I actually SOLD cookies.  Apparently I sold enough to still remember not one but 2 former names of Samoas (Caramel Delites and Jubilee).  And nobody was afraid of  kidnapping or child molesters.   As long as I made money for their organization, they were totally comfortable having me ring doorbells in a skirt and thigh high socks.  

Yes, that's me.  A trend setter at the tender age of 6.  Only girl with brown socks.

Why was I walking over a wooden bridge while 5 other people watched?   Probably part of a giant obstacle course.  I bet that leader was using a stopwatch to time us all.  Slowest ones kicked out of the troop - can't risk losing out on cookie sales during peak season by sending out a fat kid or one with asthma.  

According to their website -

Q: Who can sell Girl Scout Cookies?
A: All girl members, including Girl Scout Daisies, may participate in the Girl Scout Cookie Activity. Although parents and Girl Scout adults may assist girls, it is the girl who closes the sale, sets learning and sales goals, and learns the entrepreneurial skills that are part of the program.

Really? I bought mine off a colleague's desk.  Her kids didn't even show up to hand them out and thank me for my contribution. 

Apparently each "Girl Scout troop will earn $.55 for every box of cookies the troop sells."   Troops decide together how to best use their proceeds from completing a community service project to taking a trip.

If I am ever a troop leader, it's not a group decision.  Top seller decides. Everyone else either comes along for the ride or stays home.  Bad enough every kid who plays tee ball these days gets a trophy, even if they suck and their team comes in last.


I will continue to support their cause simply because toasted coconut + chocolate + caramel = heaven
But they might be forced to hear stories about my days at Girl Scout camp before it had Wi-Fi.