Be A Good Sport

A few days ago, a colleague asked for a ski mountain recommendation     Two months ago it was "Do you play volleyball?" by someone else.  Months prior, "We need an extra for our softball team."  Ugh.

It has been difficult to come up with excuses.  Just so you know, I am not a klutz.. And I love being part of team events.   I have just suffered a few tough blows in the land of athletics over the last twenty years or so.  If I didn't have the unsettling feeling that I'll be embarrassed in front of people I see in the office, I'd be on board.  But until they ask me to join a Zumba or Cheerleading team (and I really hope they would because I'd even volunteer to be captain and totally stand in the front), I may be coincidentally busy.   Some of these people are on every stinking team in the office.  I hate them extra.

Every time I get approached, I have a quick flashback of the last time I engaged in that activity. 

Skiing - Aside from having to wear a knee brace for months after an injury AND that I'm afraid of heights AND had a horrific lift incident, I am born to ski.  What are the odds that the very first time I got on a lift, my ski fell off while we were moving and landed on a snowboarder's head? (Good, the odds were very good.)   I was terrified that I'd have to somehow ski off with one leg (people with one actual leg would be better than me at this for sure) while walking with the other.  My rational behavior, disguised as screaming and waiving to the lift operator that it must INSTANTLY be turned off, was rewarded and it was stopped completely. The man I hit brought my ski up with him - bless his heart.  I would have thrown it in the woods. 

Softball - I was pretty good when I was a kid.  The eventual demise occurred in High School gym when I, brilliantly, pitched underhand to our basketball team's center from about 10' away.  The lines in my stomach from the stitches were there for quite some time. I decided to manage the boy's baseball team shortly thereafter. 

Volleyball - Tried out Sophomore Year and gave up.  There is nothing fun about diving on the floor unless you are on one of those game show where they pump cash into the sealed booth. I was crippled for days. I cried. A lot. 

Parasailing - Not really a sport but a damn good story.  Shot off the back of a boat with my brother.  I did NOT want to do this, by the way.  Remember that fear of heights?  Might as well add "fear of getting eaten by sharks" after the boat engine stalled and we plummeted into the ocean (and floated aimlessly until our rescue boat arrived).

A nice shot of our unintentional descent.

My parents did receive a refund.

Football - Let's just say our Powder Puff High School game turned into something you'd see on Jerry Springer.

Cycling - I've already told this story so let me keep it short.  I have been pinned down and run over by my own bike.  And not a motorcycle, an actual bicycle.   That should cover it.

Swimming - I'm a pretty good swimmer.  I was even on the swim team as a child and won a number of ribbons (that I also decided to wear proudly at a Father's Day BBQ a few years ago after some wine)  Too bad they had to make accommodations for me since I refused to dive off one of those blocks outside the pool.  Maybe it was because my diving instructor decided the best approach was to pick me up and drop me head first into the deep end when I was about 5.  I can only hope her chosen career has led to additional work with children.  She's a natural.

There may have been a white, um, 4th place in there too.  No need to show that.  I must have been tired from winning all the blue ones. 

Shameless plug for myself - most athletes probably did NOT also get awards in Citizenship and Perfect Attendance.  Just saying.

I have made a promise to myself that I will step it up this year. It's time to, once again, enter the world of athletics.  And I am not above inviting people who are worse at sports to go with me.  Everybody needs a little inspiration, even at the expense of others. 

The Blonde and I plan to hit the Ice Skating Rink this weekend.  I suck but she's never gone before.  Plus I have no problems tripping her if she's any good.